This post is harder than I thought it was going to be. I have written and deleted multiple sentences. Again and again. This is going to be somewhat stream of consciousness and likely if you are reading you won't see a point or you may not follow, but this is the best I can put out at the moment.
It's always tough to say goodbye to people but it's even tougher when you don't know what happened to your loved ones. It's also super tough when you lose a loved one whose life ended early. What defines an early ending to life though? It's all relative. I just feel like there is so much more that could have been done by these people. What happens after death? It's a timeless question that some people claim to know the answer to. I don't see how anybody that is living could possibly know the answer. There are many hypotheses but there is no way to test them out.
I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to write this, it's just making me think of awesome people who aren't in my life anymore. The memories live on but no new memories can be made with these people. It could be a nice thought that maybe they are serving others well in someway after the time they spent here. I know that everybody has a lasting effect to others. At least they do to me. I don't want to make this post negative by any means. I miss you people.
My first experience with death was at way too young of an age. And she was even younger than us. Jenny was 5 years old. I think it was a bee sting. I was in school and on swim team with her brother, Dutch. We were in 4th or 5th grade I think. I will never get that image out of my mind. That tiny little innocent girl in a coffin. My friends were carrying or perhaps pushing the coffin. It was so sad. I decided on that day that I was never going to a funeral again. I have since been to a funeral. Jimmy's funeral. That was a hard goodbye. We have stickers that say "I RIDE FOR JIMMY." I am going to put one on my new snowboard. That's why I want to learn a back flip on my board. Jimmy loved backflips (on his skis). What a guy.
One of the nice things about death is that it brings people together. That may sound kind of crude but it's true. And it's not meant to be crude. It's a positive that comes from the negative.
I never knew Hannah but I was blessed with the privilege of getting to know her entire family. I dated Tully and became best friends with his best friend Jake. Jake is Hannah's brother. My family never did family dinner, I can remember a few but not many. My dad used to work all the time and he was always traveling. I wasn't very happy about that. I understand now but at the same time it was hard. I'm lucky to have two loving parents that are still together gosh I don't even know how many years later...maybe 35? Maybe more? Well anyways...I had dinner with the Dodd family more often than not. Hannah passed away on a motorcycle ride when she was still in high school. I won't ever ride one. Too dangerous. I take enough risks as it is. I never got to meet Hannah but I got to feel her presence. Some people (ok kind of a lot of people) told me that I was a lot like Hannah. It felt like an honor to hear but I always wanted to meet her. I never will be so fortunate. I miss the Dodds. Everybody.
I'm blessed to have met so many awesome people throughout my life.
When Jimmy passed away it brought a lot of us together. Physically and emotionally. Katie and I became closer. I reconnected with Joe. Struebs was really there for me. I maybe never would have met Ryan since he lives in Alaska. I got to meet Jimmy's parents and sister and they are super rad. Seriously amazing. We got the crew back together. Without Jimmy. But Jimmy was there. That was my first funeral in my adult life. It was hard but it helped us all.
I haven't even gotten to Aubrey or Margo (or a bunch of others). They were both seriously my best friends. Those are the most complicated. Unanswered questions in my head with these two ladies. Answers that may never come to me.
Aubrey is missing. She went missing in Nepal on April 22, 2010. That's a long time ago. Here's a link to the search page:
MakeLove2Life. That's how I got my glitter nickname. Aubrey was on a mission to glitter the world with her love, and that's what she did every day. I don't even like to think of the options of what may have happened to her but we have hope. If you go to Greeley (where she is from) you can see what I call The Glitter Tree -- it's a tree full of ribbons and other awesomeness and we (the people who love her -- some strangers, some family, some friends) contribute to it to make it glitter. I met my glitter sister Rachel because of Aubrey. It was a magic moment at a Pretty Lights concert.
Margo. Seriously she was my go-to girl. She's the only friend I have ever had in my life that has called my mother "mom." Her mom is my mom too now. Not legally but for love's sake. Margo was found dead in her apartment when I was a sophomore in college. I remember the day so very clearly. I lived with 9 other people and nobody was home. Traci told me via Facebook. We are friends now but I didn't know her (Traci) at the time and I thought it was a sick joke. Anyways, I've relived this day too many times in my mind and I am not going to do it again. I remember being so angry with the birds for chirping. I was a wreck. For quite some time. The death was marked as a suicide but I don't even kind of buy that. She was a ray of sunshine when she walked in to the room. Not going any further with that topic in such a public environment.
I feel like I have simply touched on the tip of the iceberg.
Every time I toast a drink, I drink one for all of the dead (and missing) homies. I cheers the other person and then I hit my drink on my table as if doing another cheers motion. Here are the people that I cheers for every time I drink. I'm sure I have missed some people as my list has gotten pretty long.
Jenny Collver.
Rebecca Lynn Steinback.
Uncle Steve.
Grandpop.
Kathryn Kennedy Cox.
Margaret "Margo" Ann White.
Karen Smithson.
Aubrey Sacco.
Chris "Pez"Leskowski.
Chelone Miller.
Jimmy Gardner.
Stuart Gallaway.
Kory Wyatt.
Whelp. I meed sleep. To bed I go.
This lady is full of love!! Plenty of love to share with you all!
XOXOX Summer Glitter <3